7 Things Runners Do On Long Runs (But Probably Won’t Admit)

Runners are…a unique breed. We usually do more than just run for fun to make our friends and family wonder about us. That’s not new news to anyone who knows us but if you can believe it, we get even weirder. We frequently do things on our runs—especially longer runs—that we’re not necessarily proud of, things we usually don’t share, such as…

Race the Speed Trap
You know those electronic signs on the side of the road that tell cars how fast they’re going and flash red when you’re over the speed limit? They will also sometimes pick up a runner passing by and let the world know you’re running 6 or 7 mph. Some runners—not me, of course—have spotted a sped trap coming up and floored it to full-on sprint just to see if they could break into the double digits. It’s a lot harder than it sounds.

Apply Body Glide Between the Cheeks (and I’m not talking about eating it).
Sit on that for a minute (yes, pun totally intended) and you’ll get what I’m suggesting here. It only takes one chapped butt before you never skip this step again.

Talk to Themselves—Out Loud
Even though it actually takes more effort to mumble your thoughts aloud, we still find ourselves doing it. Maybe because running is our ‘safe place’ and some thoughts simply need to be said out loud before they can be discarded, but it still must be acknowledged that most of us have been caught doing this by someone passing, and it sure hasn’t helped the idea that runners are nuts.

Kid Themselves
Haven’t you ever imagined that a passing car thinks you look badass or perhaps wonders if you are sponsored? After all, you’re running so fast and have a spiffy matching outfit on!

Splurge Planning
I don’t know a runner who hasn’t spent a disproportionate amount of the run determining all that they will eat—guilt free!—upon finishing the run. The only other time I’ve done this aside from running was childbirth, because when else are you guaranteed to burn more than 1,000 calories in one activity? And, this may surprise you, but I’d rather do the long run for my ice cream sundae, thank you very much.

Play House
I can’t be the only one who pretend house shops while running through neighborhoods, imagining what it would be like to own that house—you know, the waterfront mansion with a seven car garage, or the gorgeous cedar log cabin in the middle of nowhere on one of your trail runs—and be able to stop your run at that driveway, calling it home. Besides, if you happened to live at whatever house you’re in front of, you’d be done sooner. Bonus points for convenience.

Bathroom Mapping
You never know when you’re going to have to go, and holding it in is never a good idea on a long run. Therefore, most of us start bathroom mapping without even realizing it; this consists of noting everywhere on a run we see that would work as a potential bathroom (construction sites, gas stations, three trees clumped together, large bushes, alleys…we’re not exactly picky.) for future runs on the same course.

This is just a preliminary list, of course. Although many runners may be able to relate to things listed here, they likely have a few of their own secrets they don’t typically share. If you’re feeling brave, feel free to share below!

By Audra Rundle