You don’t need a flatscreen or even a living room to throw the best damned Super Bowl party ever. Here’s a roundup of everything you need to take your crew out to the lonely-on-big-game-day mountains for the one Super Bowl party to rule them all.
POUR GIN FOR THE WIN
Nothing rewards solid 12th Man contribution like Hendrick’s. And since hauling glass is for backcountry beginners, bring flasks.
AND BEERS FOR THE TEARS
Deflated balls and deflated egos: Load enough growlers with beer to help ’em wash down the taste of justice.
An outdoors Super Bowl party is no place for fine China. Your drinkware must be tough enough to sustain outraged smashings against ground and tree.
BRING THE HOTTEST WIENERS
Beans and weenies should be served piping hot. Bring a vacuum insulated jar to retain heat for the duration of the game and a hungover reconciliation breakfast the next morning.
KEEP IT COOL
Load with: 1 bag cheese, 2 bags assorted meats, 1 weird vegan paste, 1 massive tupperware filled with 7 layer dip, enough gluten to kill an elephant.
TAKE ‘ER EASY
Jamaican jerk rice with chicken, mother f—in’ chilli mac, beef stroganoff, hot apple cobbler, huevos rancheros, and more. Serve it all without breaking a sweat.
Things heat up, eye-forkings happen. With the nearest hospital miles away, it’s best to nip potential gougings in the bud by supplying guests with harmless sporks instead.
SHUT THAT MUTT
Leaving your dog at home would be a criminal offense. But your friends might not see it that way—especially when that pup’s eyeballing all 7 layers of their bean dip. Keep her occupied with a good toy.
CUT THE CHEESE (LIKE A BOSS)
Showing off your tomahawk prowess a few times per quarter helps remind fans on both sides of the field to keep things civil.
TURN IT UP
Don’t make guests huddle around your smartphone or emergency radio to hear the action. Blast that game until it echoes through the canyons so even that one friend who “just came for the hike” can’t escape it.
Hammocks are ideal for chillaxin’, which is the best position for visualizing the action as you and your guests listen to the big game over the radio. Bonus: Losers can weep themselves to sleep in their hammocks like they’re wrapped up in mamma’s arms.
KEEP YOUR OWN GAME TIME
Altimeter be damned! Sure it’s cool, but by fourth quarter, you won’t care how high you are. Use this elite instrument instead to keep game time.
BE LOOSE WITH THE JUICE
There’s a time and a place for conservation; this is not it. Don’t turn the game off during commercials just to save power—for some, those will be the only bright side to the day.
DISGUISE THEIR SHAME
The mountains have no remorse for tear-streaked faces and neither should you. Bring enough shades for losing loyalists to retain a shred of their dignity after the slaying is complete.
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