What Your Wetsuit Choice Says About You: In Haiku!

What Your Wetsuit Choice Says About You- In Haiku!Fall is an excit­ing time to be a surfer. The trop­ics remain active while win­ter storm fronts begin tak­ing shape. Swell is typ­i­cal­ly abun­dant and crowds tend to drop off. The change of sea­sons also marks a time of com­i­cal­ly diverse neo­prene choic­es. The air is crisp and cool but the water tem­per­a­ture is still rel­a­tive­ly warm and for a few weeks, no one real­ly knows what to do.

The hodge­podge of wet­suit choic­es that I wit­nessed dur­ing a recent Octo­ber swell got me think­ing: if the suit makes the man, does the wet­suit make the surfer? Regard­less of the sea­son, your wet­suit choice may say a lot about who you are. I decid­ed to ana­lyze this phe­nom­e­non in the only log­i­cal man­ner: poor­ly com­posed haiku.

Beaver­tail jack­et
Time trav­el­er or hip­ster?
The beard holds no clues

Six mil­lime­ters
I am more hard­core than you
Hope it was worth it.

Spring suit bootie man
He just doesn’t give a damn
Warm his feet and core

No rash­guard trop­ics
Imper­vi­ous to UV!
Aloe vera please.

Bare­back in the spring
Warm air. Cold water. No thang.
Swag over shrinkage

Hood. No boots. No mitts.
Saves my feel and my wits.
Like­ly owns kneeboard

Bright short arm full suit
A semi pro pho­to shmo.
Front side air reverse

One rat­ty four three
Prag­mat­ic or fru­gal­i­ty?
Have any duct tape?

Reef run­ner booties
Accept­able in indo
Are you in indo?

Webbed gloves guy
He pad­dles faster than you.
At least in his mind.

Elec­tric heat vest
Soak the rich? No, keep them warm!
Where does my phone go? 

Long sleeve spring suit guy
Loves warm arms and cool thighs
Doesn’t mind wedgies.

Farmer John full suit
Cage not my guns, nor my style
You’ll nev­er be Joel.

All black no logo
You don’t live here, don’t surf here
May throw rocks from cliff.